My notes are as follows:
Finding the Narrative:
I felt the version of the story Michele told lacked
narrative structure and coherence, and needed an emotional centre and character
arc. Characters and motifs would be introduced with no call back, making them
superfluous, and the story shifted perspective and themes frequently and
without point, leaving the overall narrative stilted and unfocused.
It also lacked a major dramatic question; in the first act
it appeared to be: "will the protagonist make it to her
grandmother's?", until it was interrupted by the perspective shift in the
subplot involving the two lovers, changing it to: "will the lovers live
happily ever after?". This was quickly answered ("no"), but we
aren't given any resolution as we then return to the girl's story. She experiences
her climactic ordeal in true mythic fashion, however we are only half way
through the story. The narrative then shifts again, with the major dramatic
question being: "will the protagonist sever her ties with her family and
find happiness with her new one?".
It seems we actually have three stories here: a girl finding
her grandmother, a couple torn apart due to copulating out of wedlock, and a woman
having to choose between her husband and her family. This is the cause of the
narrative inconsistency and in order to centralise it, the elements must be
condensed into one story with a single major dramatic question.
I have chosen the first story as it has the most promise for
characterisation and is the most suited for visual storytelling My version is a
coming of age tale centred around the
protagonist's emotional journey to reconcile herself with her mother's death (mentioned
in a throwaway line in the original). This is embodied by the various feminine
figures she encounters throughout the story, both good and bad, who equip her
with the resources she needs to survive without a maternal figure.
The Hero's Journey:
I have adapted the story to fit the monomyth structure
conceived by Campbell and Vogler. They posited that you can separate a
narrative into specific story beats:
(Ordinary World) The hero is introduced in their typical
surroundings. This equilibrium is thrown out of balance by the (Call To Adventure),
where the hero is given a quest or task that requires them to leave their
ordinary life behind. (Refusal Of The Call) The hero is initially reluctant,
fearing the threat of the outside world, but, after (Meeting With The Mentor),
they become motivated into (Crossing The Threshold) into the Special World of
unknown rules and threats. On the way they face many (Tests, Allies, Enemies)
before making the (Approach to the Inmost Cave), passing a second threshold.
Here, they face a (Central Ordeal) and metaphorical death and rebirth, finally
receiving a reward (Seizing the Sword) for their efforts. They then face the
daunting (Road Back) and cross the final
threshold (Resurrection) back into the Ordinary World, creating a new
equilibrium (Return with Elixir).
If we then apply this to the basic storyline (Ayiline
journeys to visit her grandmother after her home becomes unsafe. Along the way,
she grows strong enough to survive on her own, and eventually rejects her
domineering grandmother in a generational conflict. She returns home having
dealt with her maternal abandonment and is finally ready to start a new life
with the allies she's made on her journey.) we have a similar breakdown with
the blanks filled in:
(Ordinary World) Ayiline lives with her father in a cottage
in the woods. She is young and meek and still grieving the death of her mother.
(Call To Adventure) When a strange man takes interest in her mother's key
necklace, she is forced to flee to her grandmother's house in Hollowdell, the
neighbouring village. (Crossing the first threshold) On the way, she is chased
by a giant red boar and loses her way, taking her feet off the beaten path and
finding herself alone in the forest. (Refusal of the Call) Rejecting her
mission in hopelessness, she comes upon the motherly Lady Death and the
children of the forest who console her into receiving the call (Meeting with
the Mentor). After spending the night, she encounters (Tests, Allies, Enemies)
including the shapeshifting Prince of Snakes, Solomon, and an abandoned
cemetery haunted by demon spawn. (Approach to the Inmost Cave) Eventually, she
finds her grandmother's village in flames after a wedding gone awry.
(Central
Ordeal) She makes it through a wall of flames and finds her grandmother's
house; a wretched, charred shack surrounded by dead trees. She enters and finds
her grandmother covered in blood. She begs Ayiline to help her escape because
she fears the townsfolk will blame her for the wedding disaster, and she
complies. Chased again by the red boar, Ayiline carries her into the forest,
where she stops to rest. Alone and safe at last, her grandmother reveals
herself as a witch, and begins to suck away Ayiline's life energy from a second
mouth hidden under her shawl. As Ayiline's life starts to fade, she is rescued
by Lady Death in insect form. Her grandmother dead at her feet, Ayiline finds
herself changed into an aged old crone. (Seizing the Sword/Resurrection) After
despairing, she sees a wall of water ahead of her, and, when passing through it,
becomes magically rejuvenated. (Road Back) Standing before her is the man
obsessed with her necklace. He tries to take it from her but she uses it to
trap him behind an ornate Oakwood door. Amber morning dawns and birds return to
the trees. She is then greeted by a tall, dark stranger who reveals himself to
be Solomon in human form. She gives him her key and tells him she doesn't need
it anymore. (Return with Elixir) The two return to her home to tell her father
of their journey as autumn blossoms in the canopy above them.
Approach:
I find this story best suited to a dark yet child-friendly
aesthetic that is simple and colourful enough to not alienate younger
audiences, but twisted enough to appeal to adolescents and (potentially)
adults. This should also be achieved through use of humour. I want the story to
be told in a very organic way, as though it were imagined on the fly by a
hyperactive ten year old girl. This will be conveyed by the modern colloquial dialogue
and the deliberate use of anachronisms.
Characters:
Ayiline - our young heroine. She nurses a painful wound
brought on by her mother's death. This is the central motivator of the story.
She carries a key around her neck that is sought after by everyone.
Gmo Crone - Ayiline's mysterious grandmother. Ayiline is
anxious to meet her as the last remaining connection to her mother, but is
disillusioned to discover that she's a villainous witch who wants to steal her
youth. She represents negative maternal energy.
Lady Death - A spirit living in the forest who acts as first
a threshold guardian and then mentor and ally to Ayiline. She represents
positive maternal energy. She acts as a mother to nine children who died in the
forest that sometimes take the form of skeletal butterflies. In the climax, she
claims the life of Gmo Crone after she tries to steal Ayiline's youth.
The Woodsman - A vengeful merchant who desperately wants Ayiline's
necklace for himself. He acts as the herald or catalyst, forcing Ayiline to
flee her home after he catches wind of her. He can also shapeshift into a boar (the
tusks resemble his moustache) and chases her relentlessly. He represents
negative paternal energy and the callous nature of the forest.
The Blacksmith - Ayiline's father. He represents positive
paternal energy.
Solomon, the Prince of Snakes - A shapeshifting serpent Ayiline
meets, who eventually becomes a love interest. She chooses to give him her key,
showing both her love for him and her personal growth through the journey.
Themes:
Aside from the obvious themes of death and feminine
anxiety, injury is a central theme in the story. The Woodsman is introduced
with a lame leg, Gmo Crone is badly injured and needs Ayiline to carry her and
Lady Death's floating body is in pieces. The name Ayiline is derived from the
verb "ail" meaning " trouble
or afflict (someone) in mind or body." and the suffix
"ine" meaning "of or pertaining to". This references her
emotional injury caused by maternal absence and is illustrated visually by the
white streak in her hair that disappears after she is rejuvenated when seizing
the sword.
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